An Explanation

This is probably going to be one the hardest things I've written . . . mostly because it's about a huge decision I've made. 

So, as many of you know, I am a Sophomore at Concordia College. I am a Cobber and proud of it. I am majoring in Theatre and English Writing. I made the decision to go to college straight out of high school. I thought it would work and I'd be fine. 

Well, it isn't working. 

I'm not fine.

Let me say I am glad I went to Concordia. I'm proud of the fact I went to college, the first in my family. I like college, I'm glad I'm going, but I'm just worn out from going to school for thirteen years, then hopping into four more years of school. 

I'm worn out. 

I need a break. 

With that, I've decided I am going to take my Spring semester off. This effects me in a few ways. I will not be graduating in May of 2014 like I would if I did not take the semester off, however if those Mayans are right, we won't make it past 2012 anyway < rim shot >. I will, hopefully, be graduating instead in December of 2014.  I will also have to start paying off grants and loans and all that money I borrowed since I will no longer be a full time student (I think so anyway. I have to talk to the financial aid office about loan payback).

Now, I know several people who have taken time off and just sat around doing nothing. I'm not going to be one of those people. I've already submitted a bunch of applications to businesses around the F/M area (ten at the last count and I started applying on Friday) and I've also started requesting information on apartments in Fargo. It won't be anything fancy, just a studio apartment (which is kind of my ideal place of residence actually just not as small as the ones I'm looking at) because they're cheap. I'm hoping to have all of this settled and squared away before February, ideally sometime mid-January. So instead of being a full time student, I will be working full time, and in all honesty, I think would give me more time to focus on me. Which I haven't been able to do. 

Yes, I realize many, many, many other people did go to college right out of high school and it works for them. Kudos to you, I don't want to hear any lectures about that. It hasn't been working for me. It's my education, my future, my decision, so I just ask that no one tries to tell me I'm just being x, y, or z about whatever it is you may think about my decision. I'm open to any disagreements you may have about it, but please don't try to talk me out of it. I'm not the type of person who will do something for the approval of others. I'm doing this for me and not for anybody else. 

There is one thing I do ask for though and that's support. This was a really difficult decision to make and not one I made lightly. I've been thinking about it since this past summer when I considered taking Fall semester off. If you can't support and don't agree with me, then just respect my decision and don't think differently of me, I'm doing what's best for me. It's not like I'm dropping out and leaving school entirely.

There is also another thing concerning my education that I can think about during my semester away. Not long ago, I began looking at theatre conservatories and other schools with really good theatre programs. At first I was considering attending grad school at these places, however, I've ruled out grad school. At least for the time being. I don't intend to go after I graduate college. Anyway, looking at these schools planted them into my thoughts and these thoughts grew into more plausible ideas. And if you're intelligent, you've probably already deduced that I mean transfer. I haven't committed to anything, I've just been contemplating it, but I haven't had any real time to deeply think about it. I honestly don't know whether I will transfer or not, but I'm definitely going to have to think about it. 


In the long run, this semester away will help me refocus, recharge, and find what I've lost. All I need is time, and since I have time to do it, I'm doing it. This will also give me a chance to try my hand at doing the whole legitimate working actor thing. Once I'm settled and everything, I'll be exploring Fargo's drama scene and sticking my foot in the door. 

Wow, okay, that was a bit more rambling than I intended. I hope this explains things relatively well, and if not, just ask me. Most of you know how to get a hold of me.


Until next time, goodnight and sleep tight


SIDENOTE: Please excuse the odd formatting that pops up in some spots. I guess Blogspot is just too smart for me to try and fix.

The Dream

Greetings and salutations.


So, last night, I had the most ridiculous dream I've had in a while that I can remember. I was curious to see what the things in my dream meant, so that's what this post is about. 


In my dream, I was chilling in my room, at school. I was with some friends just doing whatever and my door was open because it just was. One of my friends walked by and I saw him and we talked for a while, nothing memorable. Now, the craziness starts. He left and I noticed that he was walking from one end of the hallway to the other, looking into my room every time he passed it. I was like, "Huh" and just kept on chilling. Suddenly, another of the dorms DA's (Dorm Advisor) walked into the doorway and I said "Hi" and turned back around. I heard a loud BANG. She had shot me. In the part of the back between the shoulder blades. Someone had the bright idea of just putting something over the wound till later (which never came by the way).  

Some time passed and I was with my grandparents eating a meal in a restaurant. Normal stuff. I still had the gauze tail hanging from my back. I went to the bathroom and came out to find my good friend Yeatsy chilling at the counter (it was a diner-esque type place) and I went up and started talking to her. After I was done eating, I decided to hang out Yeatsy, so I said goodbye to grandparents and Yeatsy and I ended up in a cab, which was driven by her aunt (or her mom, I can't recall which) and had her sister in the back seat. We started heading back to town when suddenly there was lava! We drove over a little bit of it. We kept going. We ended up driving through a huge lava flow (car went under and all that). We freaked out and kept on going. 

At some point, the lava turned into this mechanical looking goo type stuff . . . I can't even describe it . . . the point was stuff had gone super bizarre. We somehow ended up in space. I don't quite understand it. But we started flying past all of these weird space things. 

We started flying through some battles happening. The participants of these battles were aliens, I think they were the Borg from Star Trek (yes, I know some Star Trek stuff . . . and that's about it) and Batman. Yeah, Batman was there. In space. We flew overhead of this battle and saw Batman take out a few of his opponents. 

We kept soaring through space when I saw my dog. I don't know what she was doing there. Or how she was there, all I know is I had to rescue her from space. So I did just that. I rescued her. Eventually we ended up at this pet store. I really have no idea how I ended up there. We were unwinding from our crazy adventures in space. I was looking at the fish and I saw this gorgeous betta with giant flowing fins and I wanted it . . . and then I woke up. 


So, I looked as much of this stuff up as I could in a dream interpretation type thing and this is what I ended up with (courtesy of this website):

• Being shot represents a form of self-punishment that you may be unconsciously imposing on yourself. You may have done something that you are ashamed of or are not proud of .
• Bandages indicate your need to heal. You may be feeling emotionally wounded and are trying to cover/shield your hurt from others. 
• Seeing a naked back in your dream symbolizes secrets that you may have kept from others or aspects of yourself that you have kept hidden and shielded away. 
• Seeing your grandparents in your dream symbolize love, security, wisdom and protection.
• Seeing friends in your dream signify aspects of your personality that you have rejected, but are ready to incorporate and acknowledge. The relationships you have with those around you are important in learning about yourself. Alternatively, dreaming of a friend indicates positive news.
• Dreaming that you are in a cab indicates that you are being taken for a ride. Someone is taking advantage of you.
• Sitting in the backseat of a car suggests that you are no longer in control of your life. You may be feeling overpowered, dominated and being told what to do. You need to start taking back control of your life.
• Lava in your dream signifies violent anger which you have kept inside for a period of time.
• Dreaming that you are in space represents exploration and independent thinking. You are broadening your horizons and view. Alternatively, the dream may be a metaphor that you are "spacing out". You need to return your concentration back on your future and goals. Or the dream may be a pun on your need for more "space" in a relationship or situation. 
• Seeing spaceship in your dream symbolizes your creative mind. It denotes a spiritual journey into the unknown and signals self-development and self-awareness. Alternatively, the dream suggests that you need to take on a different perspective, no matter how bizarre or unusual it may be.
• Batman in your dream suggests that you need to utilize your wits and resources in order to help yourself or others. Perhaps your are not maximizing your full potential. You need to unleash the power from within. Stop looking for shortcuts to get you where you want. Alternatively, the dream implies that there is some wrongdoing that you need to rectify (I was amazed when they had an entry on Batman).
• Aliens in your dream signify that you are having difficulties adapting and adjusting to your new surroundings. You are feeling "alienated" and disconnected. You may also be having difficulties with how to handle or deal with a certain situation or person. On a psychological level, seeing aliens represent an encounter with an unfamiliar or neglected aspect of your own self.
• A dog in your dream symbolizes intuition, loyalty, generosity, protection, and fidelity. The dream suggests that your strong values and good intentions will enable you to go forward in the world and bring you success. The dream dog may also represent someone in your life who exhibits these qualities. Alternatively, to see a dog in your dream indicates a skill that you may have ignored or forgotten.
• A betta fish in your dream indicates that thoughts from your unconscious is close to emerging to the surface. You are ready to confront your repressed thoughts. If there are two betta fish in your dream, then it signifies conflicting issues that you are dealing with.

So . . . basically, I have some issues to work out. If you hold much stock to dream interpretation.

Sorry this post is incredibly long! I didn't plan it that way. Hopefully you'll read or at least skim through the dream and look at what my dream might have meant.

Until next time, goodnight and sleep tight

Honesty

Greetings and salutations!


I have been feeling very honest as of late. I feel like sharing some truths about myself. So here goes.


Truth #1: I'm not honest about myself. 
Okay, so that sounds really bad. Let me explain. I'll tell the truth, if it isn't about me. If something is up with me, I won't talk about it. Usually. Sometimes I just reach a point and just blow passive aggressiveness all over everybody. But if someone asks me if somethings wrong, I'll say something like "It's nothing," "I'm fine, don't worry about it," and other things of that nature. I won't go into details all the time about certain things because I'd rather keep them to myself. I'm sure that's a very vague answer, but that's the best way I can explain it. 


Truth #2: I swear. Like a sailor.
I'm not going to go around and swear in front of everybody. That's not appropriate. I refuse to swear in front of my family, mostly because my siblings are at that age (teenagers) where they'll see me doing things and try to do it themselves and use me as an excuse. My brother pulls that stunt enough already. I don't need him going over to his dad's house and swearing up a storm and blaming me for it. My sisters are starting to become more like that as well, mostly through my brother and by extension, me. I also refuse to swear on places like Facebook, Twitter, this blog, or anywhere the public can see it. It's called maintaining a (quasi) professional image. Try it sometime, kids. 


Truth #3: My majors are not up for debate.
I've had to justify my majors several times already over break. No one understood I wasn't majoring in Theatre for the money. I'm not naive enough to think I'll be making millions as an actor, unless I choose to pursue a film . . . which is still a long shot. I'm doing it to be happy. That's my justification of it. I'm sick of being told I need a back up and not having any support for my goals. I can honestly make plenty of money for myself to be happy and comfortable with life. I can also write, I will have an English Writing major, too. I could write for a high profile newspaper, magazine, whatever. It's not like I won't have a job. It will probably be in a restaurant (ha ha, Theeatre major jokes). There. End of story.


Truth #4: I'm sick of being looked at differently because of my sleeping habits.
I know I've already touched upon this a few times, but it's a persistent thing. I have tried just about everything to try and keep an earlier bedtime. It doesn't (see that contraction? It means not) stick. My sleep schedule is pretty consistent; sleeping anywhere between 2:30 and 3:30, awake between 11:00 and noon. Because for whatever reason, I have the hardest time waking up anytime before about seven hours of sleep. I feel miserable and incredibly drowsy all day, but I won't fall asleep anytime earlier. Every so often I'll fall into a regular sleep pattern, but it doesn't stay for very long. My sleep schedule works for me. Does it harm anybody else? No. I present a challenge to anyone. If you want to take it, contact me. 


Truth #5: I'm a pacifist. And a conscientious objector. 
I don't support violence. I don't support war. Pretty simple (I do support those who do choose to serve in war though. My grandfather was a Marine and in the Air Force and my uncle was in the Air Force, too).


Truth #6: I'll probably never be a dad.
It's not that I can't have them or that I don't like kids. I can and do. I just have a few things with my own father and all that fun stuff. I'd rather not risk something like that happening to a child I'd bring into the world. I'm not saying it will happen, I'd honestly feel better not trying and having to worry about that whole thing (Sidenote: I'm pretty sure I've mentioned the whole thing with my dad before. It's in here somewhere. Scavenger hunt time). I mean, how fair would it be to either me or the offspring I'd sire if it were to happen? It'd be really unfair to the kid, that's for sure. If I were to ever resolve the issues between the two of us, I'd probably reconsider the whole child thing. 


That's really I have for now. I will probably add more as I see fit, so be sure to keep an eye on this post. At least the corner of an eye. 


Until next time, goodnight and sleep tight

The Anniversary

Greetings and salutations!

This post is a very, very special post. Yes indeed. This time one year ago was when I wrote my very first post (which can be found here if you want to relive the glory that has been my blog).

My how times have changed.

I am now a Sophomore. I now have a room all to my self, aside from random creatures named Orwell and Bronte. They keep me company . . . as much company as two fish can provide. Faustus has left us for a better place in case any of you remember him. He passed (read: jumped from his bowl) at the end of second semester last spring. We were barely home a week when he went on to the big fishbowl in the sky. Bronte is a recent addition to my world. She too is a betta fish. I purchased her on a whim recently and I will probably leave her at home after break . . . like many other beasts my family has come into possession of over the years.

I am currently packing/cleaning/finishing up my first semester of Sophomore year here at Concordia. And wow, what a semester it's been. I have something planned which will talk about first semester and other such things. It's going to get really honest up in here, really fast (said as ethnically (read: black) as possible (is that P.C? Eh, who cares. I'm going with it).


Speaking of truths, I really only needed to post this special anniversary blog and didn't really have anything else planned for it. So, thank you, dear readers, how ever many there are of you. Thank you for reading and sticking with the random, inconsistent, nonsensical, ramblings of this night owl. I hope you'll continue reading and sticking with me for another glorious year of late nights.


Until next time, goodnight and sleep tight.