Michael, or Break so Far

Here you go, Michael Dyrud. Here is the blasted post you demand from me. I am only one person! I can only do so much. 

  I hope getting teeth ripped out of your face hurt. Jerk.

Anyway, I suppose I should make a new post. I never definitely said I would post a new one every day over break, I said I would tentatively try to. So there. 

And here is a recap of break, in no particular order:

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Break thus far has consisted of Catherine and myself lounging about watching various things. Particularly Dexter. I have developed a desire to watch the first two seasons as we have currently started watching the fourth. It is a very good show and as such, I highly recommend checking it out. We also watched The Orphanage, a fantastic film by Guillermo del Toro. 

Not a film for those who scare easily; I managed to make it through the film unscathed. I would like to say the same for Catherine, but I can't. She was a little more frightened by it and I wound up sleeping some of the night with her cuddled up next to me. We watched the movie cuddled up under some blankets and shared some pie; it was a wonderful evening.
As I mentioned earlier, Catherine and I have really done nothing but watch various things on the television and enjoy each others company. That means we have done nothing that I promised in my previous blogs. This shall be changed in the next few days, even if I have to do it alone . . . oh wait! I took some artsy photos!

Minus the lower left one . . . that was because I ran out of ideas.

Currently my Facebook profile picture.

We also went traipsing about Fargo in 8 below weather. And by 8 below, it was in Celsius. It was like 10-20 degrees Fahrenheit. But it was super windy and a very cold wind. We spent several hours at West Acres.


I got my hair cut.

We also held adorably cuddly puppies. 

We also planned our Junior year living arrangements. Tentatively, of course. 

Not actually what we planned, but it's representative.

Catherine played Dress Up at Express with me as her model and we both discovered I went from Adorable Andrew to Hot Andrew in expensive clothes (one shirt was seventy dollars). We even picked up a few things at the mall. Nothing particular, there was a hair product purchased and said product will be used on me and a picture will be added eventually. We continued our jaunt about town by going to Barnes and Noble, Petco (Where the pets go), and ended our time in Fargo by feasting at T.G.I. Fridays. I believe it was a very wonderful day and I am pretty sure that Catherine would agree. 



Catherine went out and had a girls' day with Andrya and a friend and she got herself a swanky looking dress the day after we went out and about. I stayed in and lounged about and watched some television. 


As of now, I am currently sitting in Catherine's room, as I have the past . . . entire break. We've left her room only for important things. Such as food. And bathroom breaks. And traipsing about in Fargo/Moorhead area.  And showers. We've slept in the same room every night, mostly her's, but mine the night we watched The Orphanage. We have also shared the same bed every night. Indeed, I have slept with a woman who is currently in a relationship. Gasp and shock. We are currently both writing: me, my blog, her well, she is writing whatever she pleases. My guess is: words. In English.  

Something along these lines.

As break is roughly half over, Catherine and I still have many things to accomplish. One such project is to go to Canada, without passports, and bust our way back in. I thought of the perfect way too. Whilst watching A Goofy Movie. It is a genius idea. 

I believe that this is a sufficient enough clue.

Tehe.

We also have many pictures to take, of the artsy variety. We also need to build my fort. Even with only half a semester remaining, I want a fort. It is almost vital. Okay, not really, but still. I want a fort and I shall have one.  We are also going to ComiCon on Saturday? Apparently. I suppose. But if it ends up being some lame attempt by some creeper to lure people to a venue where he will try to drug and kill them, so help me God, I will not be a happy camper. 


And that is really all I have in terms of things we've done over break. I mean, we haven't done too terribly much, just sat around and enjoyed each others companionship and discussed life and other such things two people discuss when left together for an extended period of time.  Other than that though, we've been pretty well off. We've survived (which was also on our list of things to do) quite well. We've been visited by other people. We've gone out and about. We were abducted by Somalian pirates of the coast of Africa. What? 
We've had a very pleasant break and are eagerly anticipating more enthralling adventures for the remaining few days of break. 


That will be about it for this post. Till next time, kids. See you then and keep on reading!



P.S. I don't know what's with the giant gaps between my paragraphs and pictures. Sorry if that bothers you, I know it bothers me. I'll try and fix them. I make no promises though.

Nothing In Particular

Oh, hello there.


First and foremost, I would like to welcome you to this post. Come on in, take a seat. Can I get you anything, something to drink perhaps? No? Okay. Don't hesitate to ask if you need something. On that note, I am sorry to say you will not find any snacks or beverages here. Sorry. The internet can only do so much. If I could find a way to give everyone a cookie or something via the internet, I would. As a consolation, I offer you this: 

As Valentine's Day was all of four days ago as of this posting, I hope everyone had a wonderful time with their significant other. If you're like me and were single this year, take comfort in the fact that you didn't have to spend money on someone, just to show you love them. Other than that, if next Valentine's Day rolls around and you lack a significant other, I will gladly be your Valentine. 

Wow, only a few paragraphs in and you have already gotten a basket of cookies AND a Valentine. This is starting out to be a great post, let's keep it that way.


So, I've decided that this post shall be bit of a post full of pictures, many pictures. Many, many pictures.


Today was a very good day. A good day indeed; it was the first day of break! And by break, I mean Spring Break! You know what that means: 

DRUGS!

Keg stands!

ALCOHOL!!

PARTY!!! With pictures like this!

Lounging at the pool with all my people!

Or not. 


What's really going to go down is considerably cooler than any of the above pictures, with the exception of maybe the pool picture . . . maybe. I will be staying on Concordia's campus over break traipsing about doing whatever we please. We being Catherine and myself. It shall be fantastic. As mentioned in my previous post, a great many photos shall be taken, hopefully and many adventures shall be had. And generations of Cobbers shall speak of the adventures that will occur on the week that is Spring Break. 


Okay, not likely. But I'd like to pretend that our adventures will be awesome enough to be spoken about by future Cobbers.


I just decided that everyday of break I will attempt to put up a new post recapping the day . . . maybe I'll go every two days or something like that. I don't know, but I'll figure it out. 


Until then, keep reading; it's good stuff. And I don't mean just my posts, but in general. Reading is awesome.

If you read, it makes you infinitely cooler. This shirt proves it.

The Update

Oh hey there all. 


It feels like forever since my last post, but it's only been a week. Which is really how frequently I plan to make posts.

Second semester is currently underway and is nearing the halfway point. Mid-Semester/Spring Break is coming upon us quickly and it shall be a most glorious break. 


My companion in life, otherwise known as friend, Catherine and I shall be staying on campus and will have run of the campus! Huzzah and the like. We have many, many nefarious plots and misdeeds planned. We have ten full days to accomplish anything and whatever we please. Yes, ten days. Our plans include: building forts, at least in my room, taking many artsy photos, including risqué photos, à la Miley Cyrus. Okay, not really, but we'll see. 

But cooler. And cleaner. And just plain more awesome.

But less of a "skank-muffin," to quote Catherine.

Oh, and we will be traipsing about in the Fargo/Moorhead area and having a grand ol' time. And I will also be memorizing things, such as lines for the One Act I was cast in! I was incredibly happy when I learned the news, but I was terrified as my name was the very last one on the very bottom of the email. As I scrolled down, my heart sank a little after every cast list, but fortunately I found my name and the rest is just fantastic. The play is called Bang Bang You're Dead. It is crazy awesome. I really wanted to be in this one as I am used to heavier stuff and not so much the comedies the five other plays were, which included, and I'm not even kidding when I say this, a comedic interpretation of Oedipus.  Yeah, crazy.  

So those are my plans for over break. They are subject to change and probably will with the ebb and flow of the week. 


Other than that, it's just life as usual here in Cobberville. 


Random tangent: I did just finish reading a book called Makes Me Wanna Holler and it made me think. A bunch. So story is I've never met my real father. In the book, the author's never really met and had much of a connection with his father. He goes out and knocks up a few women and struggles to develop a connection with one of his children and he basically isn't a major part of his life. The author mentions that he knows many other guys like him - never met their father or have no real relationship with their dad's. He says they have the same problems he does - they become absentee fathers. I started mentally freaking out about this; I'm more or less terrified that it will happen to me too.
As mentioned in a previous post, I was abused and I witnessed abuse. Statistically, I am supposed to inflict abuse similar to what I was subject to as a youngster upon my future significant other. ALSO terrifying. I am scared, terrified, worried, and other various emotions that come with these sorts of revelations. 


These are the things that consume my mind on top of everything else. As if I have really need to think about this and other such things. 

And unfortunately, I haven't been sleeping well again. Blast and darn and other such idioms. I can only do so much, and seeing as how I do not currently have health insurance (something that is being worked on), I can't really do much to remedy the situation aside from no caffeine, exercising, and everything else I've been doing which has gotten me nowhere. I really need to be put on something . . . like a new life schedule. Not a new sleep schedule, but a new life schedule that works around my sleeping habits. 

 
This turned into much more of a long winded post than just an update of my life. But I will keep the posts coming in a weekly manner and what not. As for break, I will probably add a few more posts with pictures and what not.


Later kids. Keep on reading my stuff. I appreciate it, even though I have no idea who's actually reading.  

Body Modification

Most people who know me, or have at least seen the left side of my head, probably have seen a shiny, silver stud sticking out of my ear. It is no secret I have my ear pierced. 

If you look closely, you can see I am also sleep deprived.

I have intentions to pierce the other one. 
Eventually.
I want to give blood and plasma a few times first because I can't give for six months after having something like that (piercing) stuck in my head.


I also have plans to NOT gauge my ears. I think if it's done well and people don't go outrageously large with them, they look cool, however, that being said, the opposite end of the spectrum is too large, which look ridiculous. I personally will not be partaking in such a sordid affair.


I am also planning on adding some ink to my flesh, making me permanently (unless I opt for surgery to remove it) branded.  Most of my ideas are quotes from books, songs, or other forms of media.  Three such tattoos include "Love," "memento mori," and "memento vivere." The last two are Latin and roughly mean, "Remember you will die," and "Remember to live," respectively (and roughly). I also found another wonderful quote I might consider adding to my collection.  Not quite sure where I'll put the Latin, but "Love" will more than likely be going on the inside of my wrist, as seen below.

There, where I wrote it on myself

 

I was thinking maybe this font. I like it so much. 

Other than that, I have no real plans to radically alter my appearance. The piercings and tattoos are a personal thing and have no impact on anyone else, provided that they aren't offended by such things. Which then, is not my problem.
I was raised in a household where tattoos and other such things were not discouraged or frowned upon. My mother alone has near twenty tattoos. Even my grandmother has a tattoo. My grandmother. My uncle has several as well, in addition to several piercings, including his septum. So, body art has more or less been a part of my life for a while now. In a sense. Yeah, but when I do get inked, I'll be sure to post pictures of said tattoos and what not. 

Silly little kids. Tattoos are for big kids.

Yeah, I'm going to be cool, just like these kids. Only not really.

Like this. Only not as skull-and-cross boney.


Yep, that's all I really have for this post. Tune in next week for more and what not.
 

Promises

Here it is. The post I promised. The one where I was honest and open. 


And away we go. 
Oh, and try and bear with me, if it sounds like I'm rambling, I probably am. This is roughly four years of my life that I'm covering nearly ten years later. 



So, as most people who know me know that I spent several years in Alabama. Not for any good reason, no, but because my mom's significant other at the time wanted to relocate us back to live with his family and for a few other reasons, but they're unimportant, for my sake anyway. This decision came after my little brother was born and we were down there before my mom married the man who fathered him 


I was not going to have it; I didn't want to move, and I was terrified at the idea of leaving everyone and everything I knew. I remember right before we were supposed to leave I hid under the kitchen table trying in vain to prevent my whole life being uprooted (Yes, at five, I didn't have much of a life, but what I had was important to me and I was not about to let that go). Suffice it to say, my efforts failed and I moved. 


1,318 miles. One thousand-three hundred and eighteen miles. From one part of the country to another. My little life was pretty much reset. Not the reset you do when you're failing epically on like, Mario or Zelda, my life was basically to be started over.  It sucked. 


As I settled into my new life, I discovered several things: 1) The South sucked, 2) people from the South are dumb and if you point it out, you are scolded, 3) the South sucked, 4) you have to be a liar and a biological member of the family to get anywhere, 5) there were favorites played amongst the grandchildren and 6) the South sucked. I also discovered that any little mistake I made, which tends to happen as a child, I was punished. Most of the time, I had something taken away from me. I also was accused of lying, frequently, which I'm sure I told some lies, I didn't tell as many as I was made to have been told, and that put me into even more trouble. Eventually the punishments went from just having things taken from me to more . . . how shall I put this, physical punishment.  It started out as just a swift swat on the rear, but before long that wasn't good enough.  


My mom's (now ex) husband began to use other objects to punish me. These ranged from wooden or plastic spoons, with or without air holes, switches, belts, and his hand, on my bare bottom. Occasionally I had the spoon used on my hands, most often time it was the rear. What's even worse was the fact that I had to go and get said implements myself.  It was unnerving having to go and retrieve the thing that would soon be used to inflict punishment onto me, but it would be worse if I hadn't gotten the thing he would use to beat (yes, beat) me with. 

Now with that being said, I'll just come out and say it: I was abused as a child. Nobody deserves that. Not a single man, woman, or child deserves to be abused.  Most of the abuse I was subjected to was emotional or mental abuse with the occasional bout of being physically abused. It wasn't just me that that monster abused either, he abused my mother, my brother, and my sisters and he continues to abuse my siblings to this day, but that's another story for, not likely ever. 


Being abused and witnessing abuse had a profound effect on my developing young psyche. I was always an introvert, but would open up and be extroverted around people I knew, but the abuse brought out my tendencies as an introvert.  I also developed this trait that is more pronounced now that I am older. I am more likely to listen to people talk to me about their problems, acting as a rock and confidant for them while I bottle up and stifle my emotions and problems, preferring to handle them myself. I think I developed this as a response to seeing those around me being hurt and I did what I could to help them and at 7, 8, 9 years old all I could really do was just be there for them. 


This has proven to be a problem in recent months as I've felt alone and isolated from people and I have to say I have had a few breakdowns, crying more in one semester alone than I normally do in an entire year.  All because I won't willingly communicate my problems. I also have an odd paranoia with even communicating my problems because I don't want people to think I'm . . . what's the word I'm looking for . . . weak? Incapable of handling my own problems? Pitiful? All of the above?


I discovered a way to escape from my situation. I turned to books; books were my sanctuary. As was my bedroom . . . and music, but I didn't turn to it as frequently as I do now. The only real time I had any peace and quiet time to myself when I wasn't being terrorized was when I was in school, I was in bed, when he was at work, or when I came back home (home being Minnesota, Alabama never felt like home to me). 


Probably the worst part about the abuse was the fact that it wasn't constant. You may be saying "But Andrew, wouldn't that would be the best part!" Well, no. The fact that it wasn't constant was made it so much more awful when it did happen; I was never expecting it to happen. Ever. When it did happen it would be passed off as trying to "teach me a lesson," and "that is was for my own good." It was difficult living with someone who would switch from "loving step-parent" to "abusive monster."


My mom, whom I love dearly, did what she could. She had uprooted our little family (for a multitude of reasons other than my brother) and she was now trapped - she had three children with him, had no real way of leaving the state, couldn't leave because he could easily claim my mother was kidnapping my siblings if she tried and she was pretty much alone.
As I grew up and became more mature, my mother began to come to me and I provided her with emotional stability and support that she needed. I became her rock and she became mine. Odd as it sounds, it worked for us. To this day, we have a unique sort of relationship.  

Anyway, my mom had had enough of that nonsense and tried to make efforts to repair the significantly damaged marriage she found herself in. We moved back to Minnesota soon after the school year ended, it was roughly four years after we moved down there. My mother (which is what I generally call her when we greet each other on the phone) and the guy she married were together for about two more years after we moved back. It went quickly downhill from there. It ended badly and he made the situation go from bad to worse. They separated and eventually divorced, but he still finds ways to hurt us. Most of the hurt comes from him trying to take custody of my siblings away from my mother and that deeply affects her. But that story isn't ready to be told; it still hasn't ended yet. 

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Okay kids. This post turned out to be way more than I thought it would be. Like, I never figured that it would grow to be this long. 

In short, what I was trying to do was share a little bit about myself that I have never really done so in great detail. I have nothing to hide about it, it happened, it's nothing for me to be ashamed of as I did nothing wrong. I just told the truth.  If people have a problem with that, well, that's their problem. Not mine. 

If there is anything I hope you picked up on from this post is that you shouldn't abuse anyone. Really. 

With that note, I'd like to leave you with a funny picture* I've Stumbled Upon.

*Caution - Contains adult language that may be unsuitable for the younger set. Don't say I didn't warn you. I did. I really did. I gave you plenty of warning. 

Oh, and I apologize for the weird formatting with the space between my paragraphs. I don't know quite went wrong there. I did try fixing it a few times, but it still looks weird.

Rambling

I originally planned to do this epic, sprawling five part blog about my life, but I figured that was overkill and took some of my mystique away (if what I have could be called mystique). I scrapped that idea and now have no real ideas for anything worthy to post as a blog.

But since I denied you the epic five part series of my life, I suppose I can give a brief synopsis of what it was all about. 

Warning: Time travel is about occur. If you are pregnant, have high blood pressure, pre-existing heart conditions, are prone to nausea on rapidly spinning objects, or are just afraid to go back to my past, I recommend you stop here.

Trippy, huh? Okay, not really. 

Welcome to my past!

I was born in Vegas on an Air Force Base, moved to Minnesota, mom discovered she was with another child, moved us to Alabama with the fool who fathered my brother (and later my sisters), things happened, we moved back to Minnesota, they divorced, and I moved around Minnesota (all within a 30 mile radius) a few more times. All the while I was growing up (somewhat faster than I needed to, for reasons that shall not be discussed just yet) and working my way through life the best I could, given the circumstances. I found and lost friendships through my life, like everyone, until I found a set of close friends who I can depend on. Elementary school was awesome, middle school sucked, and high school, except for Freshman year, was great. I am currently in college on the opposite side of Minnesota and have found and made many more friendships. 

And that my friends, is my life in a nutshell. More or less. There are a bunch of finer details left out, for brevity, but other than that, that is my past.

There are new things all over the place for me . . . okay, not really, but there are a few new things floating around in my life. One new thing is how my blog looks. I'm currently in the process of redecorating and what not, so things may change over the next few visits to my little blog. Bear with me as I go forth in that venture. 
Another new thing for me is . . . well, a clean fish bowl! Okay, that's for Faustus (and if you don't know who that is, for shame. Go back a post and educate yourself). But there was a fish bowl cleaning party . . . which was totally a good time. I discovered my fish is either asexual or just wasn't interested in the female fish that was nearby. The others at the fish bowl cleaning party didn't use those exact words, but it was something along the lines of Faustus being a gay fish. Which is absurd . . . okay, maybe less than absurd and a bit more outlandish.


Okay, so I hyped this post up a bit much . . . and will just have to give it the old college try next post. I really don't know what to write about. Plus, I'm exhausted. So, there's that. 


Until next time, when I will have a legitimate post for you to read. Promise.  And trust me, I have it worked out in my head. I just don't want to scrap another post. So, next week, there will be a definite post in which I will be completely open about a part of myself that I am open about, just not into any great detail. 

 Promise.

I don't break pinky promises.

UPDATE: Faustus isn't gay. He built himself a bubble nest, something the male betta fish do for breeding purposes . . . or something along those lines. All it took was some time. Also, my next post is coming along nicely, although it does feel a bit, jilted and unorganized in spots. So, we'll see how it goes. 

Break (Lost Post) and A New Resident

Ahoy there, mateys!

See, pirate.

You can also see that I am need of a haircut . . . at least a trim. That is on my to-do list for the remaining four days I have at home. Did I just say four?

Where did break go?

Excellent question!

Not enough of it went to sleep. I've developed a new sleeping pattern: fall asleep at around 9 o'clock, wake up at 3 or 4 o'clock in the morning. It's nice and all, just not really what I was hoping for during break. I was hoping to spend much more time sleeping and making up for semester. That hasn't happened yet. Another thing that hasn't happened yet is any reading that I planned to do. I need to get on that. Tonight, I promise myself to start A Clockwork Orange. 

In my remaining time at home, I will be spending two days out and about in the snow with people and as for the other days, well, probably at home. Doing whatever.

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So, this post is actually an old one and was never posted because I never finished it. I sort of kind of may have lost my train of thought with this one when I was working on it. Whoops? But anyway, I did get a haircut. It looks good and all that jazz.

Seeing as how I didn't want to post this one and another entirely different one because that would be too much, I just consolidated the two into one! Huzzah! Anyway, as of the this weekend, my room has a new resident and no, I didn't get a new roommate, I purchased a fish; a betta fish!!!

See, look? My fish. His name is Faustus, because Faustus is a legit name.

The weekend overall has been awesome. We, and by we, I mean my comrades of Hoyum 5-7, partook in various activities such as going to West Acres, where I bought Faustus, and movie nights, playing spoons, and other shenanigans. It was great.

But that is really all I have to put in this post that is worth mentioning, but tomorrow is the beginning of a new week (well, technically a new week of classes). I'll see what this week will bring and go from there.